Posts Tagged ‘dad’

Good morning, we’d like to take a few moments between “Arthur” and “Martha Speaks” to bring you the pilot edition of a new reality show: Five-Year-Old Eye for the Straight Guy.
As you can see, today’s episode was shot at an upscale urban mall, when an unsuspecting father of three girls took Daughter Two/Princess One to help him pick out a new shirt, add a little freshness to his wardrobe.
First stop, Banana Crew. I reach up and pull out a – I don’t know, some checked or striped typical man’s boring predictable shirt.
“Daddy, are you thinking of that for yourself?”
No, Sweetie, just straightening it out.
Back into another room. I pick up a cleverly horizonally striped jersey shirt.
“Oh, good,” Daughter Two/Princess One says. “Another JAIL shirt.”
(Every time I put on a previous purchase from Banana Crew, a Rugby shirt, she calls it the “Jail Shirt.”)
I put it back. D2/P1 says, “I don’t like your jail shirt. I said that so you wouldn’t buy another one.”
Got it.
Discouraged, yet highly amused, I told her we should try another store. We headed to J. Public.
There, I fingered a black shirt – the kind that seem to be everywhere now, a faux military style (like you wouldn’t get your butt whipped in one of these, even if your sleeves were rolled up in a cool fashion), black.
“I knew you’d like that,” D2/P1 said, deadpan and monotone, “you have a gray one EXACTLY like it.”
As the words “RUNAWAY, RUNAWAY!” rang in my head, we walked out. As we passed a table of shirts, I thought one would look good on my wife. Do you think this would be nice for Mommy?
D2/P1 nodded immediately. “Definitely.”
We got home, and days later Wife still had not tried it on. I knew then that D2/P1 had met her match.
“I’m just not sure,” Wife said, “about this color.”

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