Archive for April, 2011

Disney almost always gets it right.
No detail is too small. No flaw is overlooked.
So a few months ago, when Wife sent me a picture of a new Disney Princess cup that Rosebud had picked out at Target, and when Wife questioned the placement of the straw in this cup, I gave the Disney Empire the benefit of the doubt (and wrote Wife off as a perv).
American marketing has a long history of slipping a little cheap sex into packaging, like the lovely maiden on the “Land O Lakes” butter package that can be folded into a Triple D suitable for one of Hugh Heffner’s girlfriends. And Joe Camel’s penis nose. These were obviously done for 13-year-old boys decades before the simpler times of today’s Internet porn (no hyperlink provided; find it yourself).
Anyway, I’ve now come to Wife’s side of thinking on Belle’s completely perverse drinking straw placement, and can’t believe it took me so long to write about it.
Look at her. You want your three-year-old daughter sucking liquid out of that? I love the way she’s got her arms folded across her chest, so prim, so proper, so demure — yet a ginormous Dirk Diggler poking out of her midsection and proclaiming its happiness to the world.
And it’s not just us. We just so happened to have left the Belle penis cup on a coffee table last month, while visiting Wife’s brother during Spring Break. First, Brother-in-Law comes downstairs, looks, and says, “Oh my god.”
Five minutes later, Sister-in-Law comes down, looks, and says, “What’s up with Belle?”
Well, do you mean WHAT is up with Belle, because that is pretty obvious, or do you mean, “Why did Disney put a straw where Belle’s thang would be?”
The Beauty sure doesn’t need The Beast when she’s dragging this thing around. Headline: Princess Arrested for Indecent Exposure.
Belle, please contact your doctor immediately, as this, this, this event has clearly exceeded four hours.
Couldn’t they have put the straw, well, just about anywhere else?

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