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Archive for May, 2010

Rosebud has shown no signs in her first three years of being a Cooperator.

She resists, by screaming, having her diaper changed, getting into the car seat, getting out of the car seat, putting clothes on, taking clothes off, eating.

Now, she’s got a new method.

Sitting down to read books before bed, she first stalled by refusing to choose one. So I picked one for her.

“You can’t read that,” she said. “It’s locked.”

Locked? Holy cow, well, I’ll pick another one.

“That one’s locked, too,” she said.

As I reached for a third, she announced, “All the books are locked.”

Oh my, all the books are locked? Well, I guess I’ll just put you right in the crib, since we can’t read any books.

She didn’t pause.

“We can read this book,” she said, grabbing one quickly. “I have the key.”

So she unlocked the book and we read it. I asked if I could get a copy of the key, but apparently not – there’s some sort of finger-print scanner in the key that prevents anyone but her from using it.

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Well, it seems young Elizabeth has a new career path. At the wee age of five and a half, she has shown clear signs of either becoming a scientist who invents a world-changing concoction…or perhaps a hell of a bartender.

When Wife was working Saturday night at a different restaurant, “the girls and I decided” that instead of going to some ultra-kid-friendly burrito place (that despite previous mentions — Welcome to Moe’s — refuses to shell over big bucks to MTD.com as an advertiser), we’d go to one of my favorite restaurants (pubs) to get the girls some popcorn shrimp (and me a beer).

It was then, right at the table, and I wasn’t paying much attention at first, but Elizabeth began combining things in a little cup. She squeezed a maraschino cherry, and a lemon, and some juice, mashed juice out of a tomato slice, threw in a corner of a pickle, and then some sugar.

Then we each had to taste it. I have to say, it tasted a lot like, like, like….wet sugar.

We rode home talking about that lovely springtime drink, and the girls came home and Fontaine helped Elizabeth list the ingredients: so as to immortalize this surprisingly sugary and shockingly not-vomit-inducing creation.

It was such a mark of the evening that we all told Wife about it the next morning at breakfast. And after Fontaine read off the ingredients of this drink, Elizabeth piped in in her very loud monotone voice:

“Oh yeah, and some PIECES OF PAPER!”

I think my stomach’s starting to hurt a little.

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