After 12 and a half years of mostly bliss, but with periodic spans of utter disgust and contempt for each other, I have parted with
my trusty 1998 VW Jetta. (Oh, come on, what did you think? I wouldn’t hock the wife for 2,600 bucks).
Turns out, there’s this bizarre bazaar called Craigslist, and a lot of people are at the bazaar right now looking for cheap, reliable cars. And “The Scooter Car” — as the girls named it — drew many inquiries and was sold in 48 hours.
So it was that “Dave” came over last night to cinch the deal. Fontaine was in the kitchen writing Valentine’s notes as Dave and I talked. I gave him the owner’s manual, the keys, and finally told him, “Hey, it’s almost 13 years old so I can’t make you any promises, but I’ve told you about everything wrong that I know about. I can’t think of anything else…”
Fontaine looks up.
“Daddy, did you tell him that the doors stick shut sometimes?”
Uh, doh, doy, die, “Oh yes, the doors stick shut sometimes, but usually only when my face is red and I feel like a jackass.”
“How about gas, is there gas in the car, Daddy?”
Yes, full tank.
“Daddy, what about that time the EGR valve and the MSG sensors failed, sending the car into a tailspin, causing that accident that bent the car frame?”
Oh yeah, well, there was that, but Dave bought it and drove away anyway.
Now, Fontaine’s nicknamed the new car, “The Newter Scooter.” She just means it’s the new scooter and it rhymes, but for some reason, I don’t care for the sound of it.
MyThreeDaughters 
Nueter Scooter sounds like a good name for a mini van.
Well I applaud Fontaine for her honesty in what the comsumer calls “disclosure”….and the name given to the new car doesn’t surprise me considering Jesus has been revealed to be a “SHE” living in an orange plastic bowl.Naturally the “scooter” should be neuter/newter!
It seems everything and everybody in this house is a female (people, cars, dolls, Jesus), save one.
You could always arrange for a family investment in webkinz and create/”adopt” more male family members to join you…..
Is the newter scooter a PT Cruiser? We had one of those as a rental when older daughter totaled our car. (Oh yes, it gets SO much better when they drive.) Scott said he felt ‘shrinkage’ every time he drove it.
A PT…Oh no, gosh no, oh no. Your husband must be a big, strong, manly man to have survived that. I hope he didn’t overcorrect with a Hummer or something. Though the PT Cruiser’s fake wood paneling is absolutely fabulous.
When I sell cars, my kids usually react with anger, like, “Are you going to sell me next?”
“But, dear, it’s just a car…”
“Dad, it has a NAME…”
Speaking of growing girls, I’ve got a fresh (well, laundered) box of size 8 to 10 girls jeans looking for a good home. The handoff would be a little more convoluted than when we were two cubicles apart.